What Lies Ahead, Part Two

What lies ahead pt 2.

Big News! I have been accepted to do my Jazz Masters on trombone at the Conservatorium van Amsterdam.

It is very surreal to be writing these words, and it's hard to even describe this sensation of good news amidst the difficulties of Covid. It is hard to see a world where I get my vaccine “jab”, and get to explore a world outside of North America. When I got the email from the Conservatorium van Amsterdam, although it took me multiple weeks to mull it over, I immediately had a sense of relief and that everything is going to be ok. I mean that in the sense that I can continue in my path of music, for fears of not being financially stable as a young Toronto trombonist is a very real concern. What I am most grateful for, is the different people I have met in this lifelong journey… so far. It seems that old faces and new faces alike constantly shape the way I look at the world, and if it weren't for these people who challenge my beliefs, and make bad days good days, I don’t know where I would be.

One of the biggest challenges with accepting this offer was coming to terms that all of these people I mentioned are going to be “across the pond”, or in more real terms, across the Atlantic Ocean. When I was young I switched across various public schools (I think 4 different schools and 5 school changes), and the first time I moved cities was from Ottawa to Toronto. The distance from the schools was possibly all 20 minutes apart, and the distance from Ottawa to Toronto is roughly 350 KM, and it's a 5-hour drive, but it's closer to 4 if you drive the unofficial “Ontario speed”. These distances are significant, as it seems that the older I get, the further away I end up moving. From public school, moving schools can be hard as you constantly need to meet and make new friends, but you’re in the same city so I would probably end up seeing them in high school or middle school. When I moved from Ottawa to Toronto, I had to get used to a brand new community with far fewer supports than I was used to, I mean don’t get me wrong, there are a handful of people from Ottawa in Toronto including my best friend Evan Dalling, but it was still very difficult. Now, I am faced with moving to Europe and only knowing people for their Canadian identity, losing practically all of my connections, and starting fresh. But I’m in the honeymoon stage. I am just looking forward to the positives of dutch culture, I haven't hit the true realization that I am going to be, more or else, by myself for at least the fall… but who cares! Biking, windmills, and chocolate sprinkles on toast are badass.

Reflecting on my time at University is difficult, as there were a plethora of amazing opportunities and an equal share of personal hardships. Firstly, although I am highly critical of the faculty at the University of Toronto, without these people I wouldn’t be the person, and musician I am today. More importantly, I am inspired by not only the people in my year, including best friend Evan Dalling but also by the people who are studying in lower years. It is these people that I make real-life human connections with. It is these connections that make me strive to be a better human being. On Top of that, there is just a tenacity of the younger generation that is so inspiring when it is compared to the dimming light of the previous generation. While I was in Toronto I was able to record several albums with both the university and with friends, I learned how to be an adult, and I learned how to be happy. 

Now that I am moving on to the Netherlands, I need to start doing things again like looking for a new apartment, getting used to being the new guy again, making a dutch bank account… the list goes on. I almost have this feeling of going to high school for the first time. What pulled me to Holland is a multitude of things. Firstly, my paternal side is from the Netherlands. Secondly, Amsterdam is a much more financially sound place to live in comparison to New York, not to mention aspects of quality of living (apartment, commute, laws). Finally, I was inspired by the musicians who live there.

So as I said, my paternal side of the family is from the Netherlands. My Opa/grandfather Martin comes from the northern province Groningen and my grandmother/oma Trudy from the eastern province Overijssel. Although I haven't been to Europe since I was a small kid, I am looking forward to learning about this specific culture. Learning about the history of the culture, and its sea levels and sea merchants are cool (of course there is much, much, much more to learn)! When I was choosing to do a master's, I essentially didn’t apply to any Canadian universities, and solely applied to the dutch school and New York schools. My justification for applying to new york is that so many of the people I look up to and listen to, like Dayna Stephens, Joel Ross, Linda Oh, etc, make their bread from New York. Although I have always romanticized this idea, I never really considered the amount of work it would take to live there. On the other hand, tuition for the Amsterdam school is affordable, I can live a half-hour bike ride away from the city (or in the city of Amsterdam), I can travel across Europe, and I think I would just be happier overall. Like I think I would be musically fulfilled in New York, but it's just the living situation that has always bugged me. Finally, I have been doing some research on the players over in Holland, and they are killing! I have been reading a book called “New Dutch Swing”, which was recommended to me by Dan Fortin. So far I have been learning about the origins of the Dutch music scene, and it's been really interesting to learn about some of its founding members. I have read up on Jazz Drummer Hans Bennick, and Pianist Michel Mendelberg. They have a very interesting role in the free improvised music scene, along with the ICP (instant composers pool). I also have been looking into the trombonist Ilja Reinjgoud on youtube. I viewed a number of his concerts, and I was most impressed with his duo group which is trombone w/pedal fx and drums. From the research I have done, it just seems like a good fit, where I can learn something new.

 I plan on moving to the Netherlands in August while staying in Toronto, and Ottawa for the middle of the summer.   I am going to be recording three full-length albums this summer, with many of my colleagues and friends. It is positive to be in Toronto and that I can even maybe call it my home. But I am looking to take a big step in my future, and my brain and gut respectively said to go do it.  And it is with that unknowingness of the future that drives me to see a new day.