The Process, Part Two

I had just finished talking about the brass issues I had. I want to preface this next session with, “I am not a self-deprecating trombonist”! Let's all say it together! I am ultimately very confident in my trombone playing, and I believe as trombonists we all have to be, or else we succumb to society's standards of trombone playing, which is being skeptical of the player before hearing them play. Sorry that we don’t have buttons to press! It's important to talk about because so much of the development of a trombonist is working on the fundamentals, and not getting to the “fun stuff” until you have your stuff together. The thing is, as a trombonist, I walk this fine line of “being one of the best guys for my age in Canada”. This is shown as I was able to be the lead trombonist of the nation's best jazz band, the Conn Selmer Jazz Band, in grade 12, receiving a full ride to the University of Toronto, and I’m in a place right now where I feel pretty good about my trombone playing. Does this mean I am the best in the world? NO. Not even close. When I was in the basement shedding I was still pushing the trombone in my face, but I was still improving. I think this is important to mention, as I want the reader to know that I am confident in my abilities, while not making my ego believe I am better than I truly am. I know I’m not as good as Micheal Dease, Elliot Mason, and Marshall Gilkes. I believe though in my heart that I can reach that level of musical expression if I keep working at it. 

Even with shedding and composing, I still had plenty of time in the day. Sure, I need to eat food, sleep, use the washroom, but the music was the main motivator for me, as it had been for the past three years. So I went to work on my ear and rhythm with the time I had left. I lifted some stuff off of Chick Corea and Gary Burton Hot House which was very inspirational for me at the time, and even is still today. I knew how to transcribe already at this point, but lifting this really opened up my ears you could say. Aside from this, I have never really worked on rhythm, *gasp*! A trombonist, not working on rhythm??????..... I mean that's normal. I was listening to guys that just had such a strong connection to their horn, and I realized that a strong part of this connection was rhythm. So, I bought a cheap ride, hi-hat, sticks, and I asked to get a lesson with my friends Evan Ng and Keith Barstow. I would then practice for two hours every day. The first hour was working with sticks and a pad, the second will be basically working on ride patterns, counting form, and working from 70bpm to 30bpm. Now I had the perfect musical life! Now all I have to do is listen to records when I make food right? In reality, as I point out, I didn’t take care of myself. I was using cigarettes, and had to come up with breathing exercises to balance me when I would regularly have micro mental breakdowns. This was heavily due to Covid-19, me living in another basement, and the weird stuff that just happens when musicians live together. I don’t know how to describe it. At the time I was putting way more time into music than my friends were and it didn’t bother me or anything, but it definitely felt slightly dissociated. With that said, these people have really cool and unique lives/stories to tell. It’s just that when you live with other people, you get a different side to them that you wouldn’t normally get. There are complications with things like with the lease, that can make a piece of paper make two people hate each other. Does the reason why matter? Really no, because it’s a specific problem that the government has created and hasn’t fixed. I have a personal belief that access to a private shelter over your head is a basic human right, and when that isn’t a basic human right you have homelessness, you have people who die for no reason, you have Covid apartment evictions, you have people who develop mental illnesses, while you have the establishment making far more money from the injustices they allow. But hey, this is about the process, not my political ideologies! 

Eventually, this lease dispute brought me so much mental anguish that I went to go live with my mother in Ottawa for the remainder of the summer. My time in Ottawa gave me that “covid break” that was much needed. I had a garden where I produced tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, and several things. I also got into fermentation and winemaking. I didn’t use any substances, other than a weed pen, and I mostly just spent my time enjoying a life that wasn’t music-related. I luckily found a rental for the year that was above ground and was very affordable for Toronto. I don’t share my unit with anyone, and this place has been a blessing. Although the school year had its “ups and downs” I ultimately came to a place where I have been able to fulfill everything I want to do and be healthy. Now I take chess lessons with National master Sasa Kulic, and four hours of my day are dedicated to working on this fun thing where I have much to learn. I walk to school and back, which allows me to get out of the house, which I was not doing much in the Toronto summer. I practice at school for usually two to four hours. I practice working on my fundamentals, learning songs from the great songbook, and a whole slew of stuff that would be for another blog. Rather than aiming my efforts at perfection, I aim my efforts at happiness. I quit drinking coffee and am drinking tea now. I do physical exercise a couple of times a week and work on mental preparedness for the day. So the process to me is a long and complicated one that has already stretched 10 years and will go for much longer. I hope you can join me on this journey, and I hope to talk about more in upcoming blog posts.

Bye for now.